Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this will be a night to untag.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
