I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
