omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
