Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
