i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
