Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
