Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
