yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
