so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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