Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So here I am, sexting at work.
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