so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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