My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
