Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
