piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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