I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
