I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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