This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize