I have demons in me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize