Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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