My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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