So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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