when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
