I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
