Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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