my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
