Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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