I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
