I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
