lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so explain again why im purple
no
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
