So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How does one acquire holy water?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
