my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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