Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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