Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize