Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize