My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
