You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
this hospital has no fireball
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
