she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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