I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize