Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
