It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
