I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
