Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
