Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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