batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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