You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
