so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
