quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
