Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
