i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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