She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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