You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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