Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
