I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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