Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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