I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
