Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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