did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
