Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
