My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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