Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
