How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
