Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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