I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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