you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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