I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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