I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
